The Russian scientist Ivan Pavlov noticed that his dogs would salivate whenever they saw the lab assistant that usually fed them. They had associated him with food – and that triggered the response to food (salivating). In a similar way, if our brains associate something with sex, we will become aroused by that object or action on its own. This is common for objects (fetishes) but less common for actions & scenarios (such as cuckolding).
By ‘subconscious’, I just mean a deep-rooted part of our brain – the part that’s responsible for our deeply held beliefs, associations, fears, values, world view, and self-image.
Some of these things will be hard to deal with – we may think that we are unlovable, different, out-of-place, inadequate, shameful, or any number of painful feelings.
To help us try to deal with that pain, the brain can turn these feelings into sexual pleasure – in the form of fetishes. Humans have an incredible ability to heal themselves, and we need this for our survival. Sometimes, the things that need the most healing are psychological wounds – and fetishes are the brain’s attempt at this. We will unconsciously eroticize these painful concepts to help protect us from the pain.
A third method of fetish formation states that fetishes can form as a result of isolated experiences in childhood, which form a mental link between the object/action and sex. This is really just an extension of the subconscious method: eroticizing deep-rooted feelings or beliefs – no matter how they form. If childhood experiences make us feel like we’re not good enough just as we are, we’ll end up eroticizing these feelings.
So, what about this fetish?
Cuckolding is all about the concept of being the inferior man – being inadequate, the beta male, simply not good enough. Cuckolding is the concept of a wife/girlfriend having extremely pleasurable sex with someone else. And, having this happen in close proximity, the wife/girlfriend acting like a slut for the superior man – is the manifestation of the concept of inadequacy – being simply not good enough. This would be extremely painful to consider, so to protect us from that pain, the brain can turn this into sexual pleasure. Everything about this fetish involves some manifestation of inadequacy.
If these concepts are deeply-held fears and painful feelings, we will find pleasure from cuckolding, as an eroticization of this inadequacy.
Simply put: Cuckolding is turning a painful subconscious sense of inadequacy into sexual pleasure. It does this to try to protect and heal our deeply-held fears/beliefs. Unfortunately, it’s not very successful at healing, because this inadequacy remains for it to be eroticized over and over again, potentially even getting worse each time (until finally, you seek out this website!)
If you can actually fix and heal this deeply held subconscious sense of inadequacy, then there will be nothing left to eroticize. And that is how to remove this fetish; by tackling the root cause – deep-rooted inadequacy.
Unfortunately… It’s not that easy.
Subconscious inadequacy is complex, and that’s why I’ve created this website. I teach men how to heal this inadequacy (and therefore, change this fetish). I offer premium 1-on-1 coaching in this unique area of self-help (contact ConnorsUniqueCoaching@gmail.com for details) and I am currently trying to make this information more widely available by creating videos about some of the basics.
I’ve created an automatic-emailer system where i can send out these videos to everyone on this list. If you’d like to get on that list (it’s free!), sign up on the homepage, and the system will automatically send you my 15-minute introductory video covering the above topic in much more detail. What a time to be alive.